Most people hope to have no contact with a funeral home until they absolutely have to. Many times such occasions mean someone has died or, worse, you have died. The only exceptions to this rule are those who plan ahead for their death by meeting the funeral home to pre-purchase things and share their wishes so that their family does not have to come up with something after their gone.

There are few professions that have as direct a view of the ministry of funeral homes than that of clergy–– senior/head pastors in particular. As I wrote about in a recent blog post, I’d not officiated any funerals prior to becoming a senior pastor but now have officiated twenty-five funerals since. Each time the order of planning generally followed the same pattern: direct notification from the family of the decedent, call from the funeral home to confirm details, followed by the service itself.

In my first few funerals that pattern was all I really ever noticed. I saw the funeral home at work as they set-up the service space, handled the visitation, and moved the procession from the church/chapel to the graveside. It took me a little longer to notice the ministry taking place behind the scenes.

On one occasion, I arrived at the home of a church member just after their spouse passed. I sat with them, next to the body of their loved one, until the funeral home arrived. Most might assume that a medical examiner comes to collect the person, as we see on TV, but it’s generally the funeral home (unless it’s a suspicious death). As I sat there trying to be a comforting presence to my congregant, I watched as the professionals from the funeral home arrived and gently went about their work. They were empathetic, apologetic, and professional. They assured the grieving spouse that their loved one would be taken care of as they wheeled the gurney out to the hearse.

On another occasion, I witnessed a funeral home professional tearing up as he aided the grieving spouse of a recently passed minister affix one of her ministerial stoles over her shoulders that would no longer raise in life. He didn’t even know the minister who’d died–– but he was that invested in her death and her family’s grieving.

Most people don’t know that the funeral home (with exceptions, of course) takes care of editing the obituary, arranging police escort, transporting the family, liaising with florists, and even designing photo slideshows from a pile of photos sent in by the family. These things are in addition to the expected tasks of aiding the family in purchasing the casket, preparing the body for burial (a ministry in of itself), and transporting the casket.

Before becoming a senior pastor I often wondered how someone could work at a funeral home. I wondered how you someone could take a deceased person and prepare and dress their body so that they appeared at peace. I’ve learned that someone can do this because it is a position of vocational ministry. It’s a calling. It’s something a person does out of love for their neighbor.

Funeral homes like to joke that their employees function as ‘last responders.’ I think that this term rings true in so many ways when compared to those who respond ‘first.’ First responders work to keep you alive and safe so that you can return to your family. Funeral Directors don’t get to work on the life side of things, but they still function in a similar way as they prepare a body to look like the person did in life, keep that loved one safe throughout the remembrance process, and return them to their family so that they can say goodbye with some finality.

So great is their ministry that one of the first things I tell a grieving family is that they should not worry because the funeral home will take care of them as they try to find footing in a situation that catches most loved ones off guard. Family after family that I’ve worked with have confirmed this to be true. An ever-present help in a time of grief.

I hope that you don’t have to have an interaction with a funeral home any time soon–– unless you’re planning ahead–– but, I hope that you’ll grow to appreciate these ‘last responders’ who minister in our communities.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are with me.” Psalm 23