“God never gives you more than you can handle.”

It’s a phrase used by many to try and comfort those experiencing loss or grief. It’s also used to help us step into the future with a bit more confidence and hope.

The thing is, it’s not biblical. It’s also not true.

When thinking on this phrase, some refer to 1 Corinthians 10:14 in which Paul indicates that there is no temptation given to us beyond what we can overcome in Christ, but that does not apply to suffering or pain (though temptations can lead to those things).

What IS biblical is the fact that there are many people in its pages that experienced the worst that life could throw at them: anger, betrayal, loss of loved ones, loss of children, torture, pain, hate, anxiety, depression, fear… the list goes on and on.

In each of these references, those experiencing such things did not find a God that would “never give them more than they could handle.” What they found was a God who was with them in the midst of whatever they were facing. They found that they were not alone in the end.

A guarantee of life is that things will not be easy all of the time. We will face all kinds of loss, pain, grief, and fear in our days here on earth. This is a part of what it means to live here.

The reality is that God is not the one throwing those things at us. God is guiding and standing with us in them, however.

Theologian Parker Palmer once wrote that “as often happens on the spiritual journey, we have arrived at the heart of a paradox: each time a door closes, the rest of the world opens up. All we need to do is stop pounding on the door that has closed, turn around – which puts the door behind us – and welcome the largeness of life that now lies open to our souls. The door that closed kept us from entering a room, but what lies before us is the rest of reality.”

That reality is that God is not the one slamming the door, nor calling us to an open window. What God is doing is guiding us to keep moving –– which often means turning around and seeing the fullness of what has been behind us as we’ve pounded on the doors of pain, loss, and failure.

As we all live our lives, we know what it’s like to pound on those doors. We’re desperately look for a window out, only to not find one. We’ve kept mouthing the “God will never give us more than we can handle” quote in our minds over and over and kept having to add to what that means as things have gotten harder and harder this past year.

As you move forward, know that God is not throwing things at you, but God is calling you to know you are not alone. God is not punishing you for something, but God is calling you to learn you still have purpose. God is not slamming doors, but God is calling you to turn around and see the fullness of what might be behind you.

Keep moving, friends. God is with us and, no matter what we face ahead (some of it will feel like more than we can handle) we have not been abandoned.