Ministry can be a lonely place.

For those who carry the title ‘minister,’ this reality is not a surprise. When you spend your day-to-day work pouring much of what you have into other people, there is often little left over for your own existence.

I have served as minister for the last 14 years and one thing has been always true: it’s hard to leave my job at the office. From late-night phone calls from students in the emergency room… to youth parents seeking advice on what to do when their kid does not make sense to them anymore… to reflecting on the good/not-s0-good moments of that last trip, retreat, or event: ministry is a 24/7 job. Beyond these things, the ever-changing world in which we all serve and live weighs constantly on our minds, hearts, and ministries.

While the settings where I have served have given me a great community, there is still a dividing line where those around you don’t quite understand the path you walk. While you share much of yourself with them, there are many moments where you have to internalize emotions, listen without talking, and nod as you realize that the line between minister and friend is always present.

For me, my saving grace the last few years have been those outside my direct ministry contexts. These are other ministers who have walked with me in life and work, without necessarily serving with me directly.

• One group is my Peer Learning Group, a group of ministers from the area who gather each month for conversation and catch-up. The lunch table around which we gather offers a safe space to be ourselves, share our lives, and seek advice that comes without judgment. This gathering has been a saving grace for me on many occasions over the years that we have journeyed together.
• Another is a group of friends who minister in places all around the country but find strength in the community we share across state-lines. I gathered with a few of those colleagues in Alabama last week and it was a recharging and life-giving time for me. The laughter, conversation, and learning we shared will be with me for a long time.
• A third is a local group of campus ministers/chaplains, seemingly divided by our religious/tradition differences, but united in our love for young adults. Each time we gather, we sit at the table as fellow travelers on a similar journey. Our starting points may somewhat differ, but our calling is deeply the same.

For me, these ‘communities’ have kept me going. They have given me a space of understanding when even my own family could not understand. They’ve been a place to share stories of my ministry life, knowing the nod directed back at me is one of understanding, not just empathy.

As a minister, you’re always going to be pouring into others–– it’s part of the job. The reality is that you also have to find others who can pour back into you as well. Running on empty does not work for our cars and similarly will find us stranded on the side of the road at some point.

If you don’t have a community of your own like those I’ve mentioned, I encourage you to make some phone calls to colleagues in ministry contexts around you. Invite someone to coffee or reach out to your denominational body. Your community is just a phone call/email/text away.

Whatever you do, don’t fall into the trap of believing that your call to ministry is yours to bear by yourself. You are not alone. You travel this road with countless others who know, understand, and walk it right alongside you.

The challenge before you is to recognize your fellow pilgrims and be willing to invite them to journey with you.

The path of ministry is hard, but you do not have to travel it alone.