Time after time I struggle with what to type here. I have so many thoughts swirling in my head, so much going on in my life, that I don’t know where to start with putting it all down. I feel as if I have had so many things to share but I have missed the chance because I have not strung them together well enough to put them in this blog. So starting over, here is where I am at this point on my journey:

I feel like I’m in between something. Life as a minister, especially with young adults, brings new surprises every day. Some days I can fit everything into the small box in my paper calendar, other days Siri is asking if I want to add another event when I’ve already got three in that time slot. As a parttime worker, it is sometimes hard to stop for a few days and then pick back up again a few days later.

It’s not that good things are not happening. At Campbell Divinity School there is a lot of talk of God calling us to things. I don’t have a doubt that I am, at this moment, where God has called me to be. I love having the chance to see God working in the lives of the students connected to the ministries we’ve started in the past few years.

It’s just that so much is happening, all at the same time. I used to be someone who had a “10 year plan,” now I find it hard seeing past what I’m doing right now. While I don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing,  it’s still a shift in the way I travel this journey of life.

When I was in undergrad at Campbell I served as a leader in the Fellowship of Christian Athletes campus ministry. Our worship leader liked to take non-traditional worship songs and lead the group with them during our meetings. One song was “Fix You” by Coldplay. Though it’s been almost 5 years since the last FCA meeting where I heard this as a worship song, I can’t help but hear the lyrics “lights will guide you home,” echoing in and out of my life.

As I attempt to put all these things swirling in my head down in a few paragraph blog post, I can’t help but think of those “lights” God has put in my life. Maybe it’s ok that I’m not looking 10 years down the road. Maybe it’s ok that I know I am supposed to be right here, right now, where I am. Maybe it’s good that I can thank God for those moments of light that permeate each day of my journey and rest in the fact that, at the end of it all, God is guiding me home and fixing me along the way.

So that’s where I am. Some days I can’t see past what’s immediately in front of me, but what I can always see are those lights that God has put in my life and those lights are constantly pulling me forward and guiding me to God’s presence, to home.

“There are many who say, ‘O that we might see some good! Let the light of your face shine on us O Lord!” – Psalm 4:6 (NRSV)